Well, ladies, it finally happened. We all know that one day the inevitable is coming, but it always comes sooner than you think--or at least that's what people who've been there have told me. I guess after the last couple of days, I can now be added to that list. OK, come on. You all know what I'm talking about. It's always on a day when you feel you're looking your best with your femininity radiating throughout your aura as if people should wear shades. And then--it happens. WHOP! It's as if you've been slapped in the face. You've been pulled over on the highway, and you can no longer gather up enough feminine wiles to talk yourself out of a speeding ticket. Suddenly, I feel fifteen years older than I did a week ago. I guess you could say I'm in my post-ticket mourning stage.
OK, girls, it's just you and I here so let's get real. We've all known for years that women are better drivers than men. It's been proven. Look at insurance premiums. Men's are always higher. Why? Well, obviously, it's because they get more tickets and cause more accidents. Well, I think it's high time we face the truth. Men were never taught the art of hair flinging, eyelash batting or smiling until your face hurts. These are skills passed on to us by our mothers. Sons missed out because their fathers were equally unaware. Let's face it. Have you ever heard a man bragging because they flirted their way out of a ticket? The answer is a resounding NO. It's not that men don't know how to flirt, it's just that most people writing the tickets are other men. Also, women officers are fully aware of "ticket body language" and know it's only a woman thing. Men will never, ever be able to master this skill, and any male getting caught by a female officer trying to attempt this women's-only feat will probably be led away in cuffs.
Now I guess it's time I apologize to all womankind. I failed at my last effort of effective ticket talking. But, let me point out a few things on my own behalf that may have thrown me off of my rhythm before you vote me out of the feminine clique. First, I'm 44-years-old and have successfully used the "technique" since I was 15. My best guess is that I have been successful on approximately 20 different occasions. This particular time I had my husband in the car. STRIKE ONE! I know, I know. You can never have a man in the car and be expected to use the move with any success. Also, my husband and I were driving in the middle of the night half way across country, and I was dressed for comfort--not for the move. STRIKE TWO! Next, the Arkansas Trooper who pulled me over must have been born before the Jurassic era. He was old, bald and had but a few teeth left. Anything affected on him by feminine wiles had long since dried up and possibly blown away. STRIKE THREE!
There you have it ladies. The worst day of my life. I felt I should share this experience as all of you will one day have to live through it as I did. Also, I felt I owed it to all of womankind to pass along any information and tips you may have learned from my lesson to maybe one day help yourself. Let us not hang our heads low for long, however. As long as we keep paying it forward to our daughters, this world will long know the fact that women are better drivers as well as the most brilliant of the two species.
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